What to do When You’re Using Money to Cover What you Really Want

A few weeks ago, I was making the long drive home to Florida from West Virginia after a few days spent with family and mom’s memorial service.

On my way through North Carolina, I had a little car accident. I hit something in the road and punctured my oil pan. Before I knew it the car stopped running and the engine froze up.

There I was stuck on the side of a busy freeway, during rush hour, with two cats in the car. We weren’t injured, but all three of us were stressed.

As I was sitting there, I just started to cry. Why did this happen? What now? I’m 10 hours from home and three hours from my family, what am I going to do?

One would think that the stress (tears) would come from facing the big financial cost associated with something like this. Things like:

· Insurance deductibles.

· Out of pocket costs like towing and car rentals.

· Increased insurance rates.

In truth, I thought of these things too. I’m not immune.

· How much is this going to cost?

· What will I have to “give up” to pay for this?

· What if I have to buy a brand-new car and make monthly payments?

But then I realized that even as thinking those thoughts, I was also thinking of ways to spend even more money.

For example, I immediately thought that I would buy a plane ticket back to North Carolina and hire a taxi and even stay in a hotel when it became time to pick up my car. I couldn’t face 20 hours of driving, ten to go to get my care and ten back to Florida.

So, I stopped and asked myself why I was crying. And kept asking all the way through that long, long day because there were a lot of tears. Here is what I found.

· I didn’t want the inconvenience.

· I just wanted to be home in my safe place.

· I was worried for the cats who were already stressed by several days in a strange place.

· I wanted my mother who I could no longer call for sympathy and advice.

· I didn’t want to make decisions.

· This loss of resource (both time and money) was not in my plan.

And the kicker….

· I just wanted someone to step in and take care of me.

And believe me that is hard to admit. I have been independent my whole adult life. I honestly don’t recall ever thinking that thought before.

As I was thinking about all these things, I wondered if maybe the lack of money gets blamed for our deeper, more private concerns.

Is it easier to hide behind the lack of money than it is to admit what is really upsetting us?

And I think that it probably is. After all, I’ve heard the blame placed on money in a lot of different situations, haven’t you?

We use these types of excuses to avoid the uncomfortable and to evade having to open ourselves to judgement from others. Here are three ways you can stop hiding today.

1 — Stop Saying you Don’t have Enough Money. Have you ever told someone that you couldn’t participate in an activity because you didn’t have enough money, but deep down, you simply didn’t want to do it?

The problem with using money to hide what we truly want is that we perpetuate the money struggle. If we are constantly saying that we don’t have money for something, we are speaking that into existence.

Our words our powerful and we can easily create more of what we don’t want simply by saying it. Especially if we say it over and over and over again.

Let’s stop saying that and instead acknowledge what we truly want.

2 — Allow yourself to get Uncomfortable. Have you ever heard someone say that if they had more money, they’d do x, y or z? Is it possible they were simply afraid to make the leap? Or uncomfortable risking money on something new?

Fear of the unknown is real. And for sure we don’t have to face the fear if we are allowing the lack of funds to hold us back.

Instead of saying we don’t have money for x, y or z, why not instead ask yourself how you could get the money? That simple shift in your wording opens yourself to a world of possibility. And when we live in possibility, we are far more likely to begin creating and taking action.

Action is the antithesis of fear.

3 — Financial Freedom Comes from YOU! One thing I hear often is that the economy is bad and that it is getting worse. And that right there is the reason we don’t all have financial freedom.

No, no, no! I say no to that one! We can’t control the economy. Not even with a stimulus check in hand. It just isn’t possible.

The only thing we can control is ourselves. And I believe we each have the power within ourselves to create financial freedom. So, instead of living in the belief that the economy is bad and therefore we are stuck, let’s all own that we truly want financial stability and that we are powerful human beings who can make it happen.

I bet just reading that makes you feel much more empowered! And when you feel empowered, you start to take action (there is that little word again!). You might even find yourself sending some extra money to your IRA or savings account. And that right there is exactly what is needed to put you on the path to financial freedom.

These examples may or may not be things you say, but my guess is that there are others. I encourage you to explore ways you might be hiding behind money. When we stop blaming money and own up to what we really want, we improve our relationship with money and that often leads to more!

Sherry Parks, CPA, is a Money Mindset Coach who helps women escape feeling trapped by their finances. She is passionate about helping women change mindset, emotions and actions regarding money, so that they learn to keep what they have and generate more.

Check out her 5 Steps to a Better Money Story workbook or join her women-only Facebook group More Than Enough Money Sisterhood.