Stop Focusing on the Wretched Stuff; Instead Spotlight Your Strengths

I recently had an exchange with a former client. She shared with me that she had taken the Myers-Briggs Personality Test again. It had been a few years since she’d taken it and she thought she knew what result she’d get. The test came up with a different result than she expected.

Her personality test was slightly different — and she was interested to read more about the new aspects of who she was in that moment. The report started with strengths and then moved on to weaknesses. As she read through the weaknesses, she started to feel a little discouraged and could see that she did have some of them. She felt herself getting overwhelmed and discouraged with all she “needed to work on”. She shared with me at the very bottom of that page, there was this message:

“Feeling self-critical right now? Before going to the next section, scroll up to reread your strengths — and let them serve as a reminder of how much you, dear Mediator, can bring to this world.”

And she took that on. She scrolled back up to re-read her strengths. Then she shared the experience with a work colleague. Now, whenever she starts to go down a rabbit hole of despair, her colleague reminds her to scroll up.

Isn’t that a beautiful reminder for all of us though? So often in life we allow the negative, bad and stressful things to rule our lives. We all have lists of things we want to fix, improve or change about ourselves or our lives. And that doesn’t serve us.

I don’t know who said this first, it’s attributed to several — “What you focus on expands.” And it’s so true. It’s because our minds are equipped with that handy reticular activating system (RAS). In short, the RAS is the part of the brain that filters out what is important and what isn’t in any given moment. Thoughts that we have on a regular basis become familiar and basically our brain looks for ways for us to get them. Even if it’s a bad or negative thought.

This is why for so many of us it is difficult to get what we want. We are focusing on the negative thing instead of the change. For example, if you want to save more money. And you are constantly thinking I don’t have enough money in savings, your brain registers that as what’s most important. Repetitive thoughts create a familiar pathway and our brain helps us get it or keep it.

So, thinking you don’t have enough money in savings, putting some in and still thinking you don’t have enough — well your brain sees that as an opportunity to spend some money. An emergent desire for something new, a broken appliance, a flat tire. Anything to create that “not enough in savings” thing.

This is why it’s so important to “scroll up” in life and focus on the good things rather than the bad. Embrace your strengths and put your main attention there. That isn’t to say that you can’t work on those “weaknesses” if you want, just be very careful how you think about them and how much.

Here are a couple of ways to start training your brain to scroll up and put your focus where you really want, so that you can have more of the good things.

1 — Make a list of your Accomplishments. Yes, you have them. And what we tend to do as human beings is to celebrate for a short time and then focus on the thing that isn’t working. I encourage all of my clients to sit down and write a list of everything, big and small, that they’ve accomplished.

And this is a great practice for you too. Not only does it remind you in the moment what an amazing human being you are, it also gives you a tool to come back to. Whenever you start to feel yourself getting mired in the “weak” parts of you, pick up your list and read through it.

2 — Get Out into Nature. Whether you are an outdoor person or not, there is an amazing benefit in spending time in nature. I’ll admit being outdoors is not my favorite thing. And I’ll also admit some of my biggest aha moments and also happiest ones have been outside. Walking in nature and feeling the grounding presence of ancient trees is something that truly lifts me up. Or, walking on the beach with my feet feeling the sand and water, truly inspires me to focus on what’s good. Every. Single. Time.

So, get yourself outside and find those things in nature that do that for you. Here are some ideas to try:

· Walk on the grass with your bare feet

· Sit in a flower garden and just look at all the parts of one flower and marvel at its beauty and intricacy

· Put your arms around a tree and see if it speaks to you

Maybe it sounds a little woo woo — and I bet it helps shift your focus. Test it out and see.

3 — Be present. Be here now. — When we start to put our focus on our weaknesses, we are often looking at the past and the mistakes that we perceive came from those weaknesses. Or, we are looking to the future and telling ourselves all the things we “should” be doing to overcome the weaknesses. Neither of those are here and now.

If you are putting your focus on the current moment, it allows you to be with what is. It puts into perspective that this is what’s important. It allows you to live fully, right now where you are with all the glory of your strengths and weaknesses. In fact, those things melt away.

Here is one of my favorite ways to get present. Sit comfortably in a chair, bare feet on the floor. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through the nose and let it out through your mouth. Do that a few times until you feel yourself relax into the chair. Then, feel the support of the chair. Feel the grounding that feet on the floor gives you. Keep breathing. Don’t try to stop your thoughts, let them come. Just don’t engage them. Let them pass. Keep breathing. Feel the breath enter and leave your body.

Do this for a few minutes until you feel fully present. In that moment, feel your body, mind and spirit aligned in the present moment. Then move on about your day keeping your focus on what is in front of you.

All three of these tools are powerful. Whether you choose to use one or all three or something else entirely, the important thing is for you to scroll up. Allow your focus to be less on the things that need fixed and more on the things that are perfect. I encourage you to do what you can to scroll up. Keep your focus on what you want more of (those strengths) and allow what you want less of (those weaknesses) to fade into the background.

Now it’s your turn, what do you think? Are you remembering to scroll up?

Sherry Parks, CPA, is a Professional Life Coach who helps women escape feeling trapped by circumstance and finances. She is passionate about helping women change mindset, emotions, and actions regarding money, so that they learn to keep what they have and generate more.

Check out her 5 Steps to a Better Money Story workbook or join her women-only Facebook group More Than Enough Money Sisterhood.