How to Let Go of Money Resentment

3 Tools to Create Ease with Money

Have you ever had a big money disappointment that you felt was outside your control? Did you find it difficult to let go and move on?

One of my earliest memories of money was my parents arguing about some shares of Exxon stock. My mom owned the shares that came to her in an inheritance. It wasn’t enough to get rich from, but it was enough to get a quarterly chunk of money. In fact, owning the shares helped my mom feel secure. To her, they were a mark of stability and long-term financial security. And she wasn’t wrong. Having stock in your portfolio can definitely contribute to long-term financial success.

My parents argued about the shares because my dad wanted to sell them and get the money. My mom wanted to keep them and let them appreciate. It wasn’t a matter of the stock price being high or low. She just wanted to keep them because to her they meant money now and in the future. My dad wanted to sell them because it meant immediate cash in his hand. Cash in his hand that meant he could go buy the car he had his eye on.

They argued constantly. To dad, the cash was worth more in that moment when he felt a strong need. To mom, the stock represented savings for her future.

Finally, mom gave in and signed over the stock to be sold. But it wasn’t something she wanted to do and she never could let it go. In mom’s defense, there were other financial instruments that she had that dad cashed in as well. But either way, it was definitely a sore spot for her. And while they were still married, it was a topic in almost every disagreement.

When they divorced, it was a point of contention.

Even though my dad has passed on, it still is a triggering memory for my mom.

Sometimes in life, things don’t go the way we plan them in our heads. Especially when it comes to money. Stuff just happens.

• Partner’s (in business or life) with differing opinions and approach to money.
• Car accidents happen causing us to need a new car when ours was paid for
• Markets fluctuate which sometimes results in a big financial loss
• Business failures

Money disappointments, misfortunes and calamities can often be difficult to let go of. But the thing is, they can affect our money situation long after they have passed. Especially if we are holding onto bitterness, anger, and frustration about what happened.

My mom has held onto this resentment her entire life. Even after being divorced from my dad for 30+ years, she hasn’t released it. And consequently, at least in part, she has lived in constant struggle with money. Her life hasn’t been an easy one when it comes to money and even now it worries her, she has missteps and fears around money.

Here are three things you can do to create a better relationship with money as well as more space for money to begin flowing your way, so that you can have all the money you want.

Release everything that came before. I always tell my clients that money likes ease. If we are carrying around some old emotions about money, that is definitely not ease. One of my favorite ways to release any old tensions about money is to remind myself that I can’t control what anyone else does, but I CAN control what I do, how I react and my overall feelings about what is happening with my money. In essence, I’m taking back my power around money and recognizing that what happens outside myself isn’t something that I need to spend my energy on.

Forgive yourself. Sometimes, it isn’t about what someone else did but rather what we do ourselves that holds us up. If we are feeling shame, guilt and self-deprecation, then it is time to forgive. Forgive yourself, so that you can move on. I like to remind myself that I did the best I could at the time and reaffirm to myself that I am doing better every day and making better money decisions as I go through life. By giving ourselves grace and forgiveness for past mistakes, we are creating an opening for money to come in.

Forgive and release others. Sometimes others have a role in our financial disappointments and missteps. Just like forgiving ourselves, we may have to forgive others. I am certain that if my mom had been able to forgive dad for using her stock to buy a car, then she would have been able to create a better relationship with money. Forgiveness is something that is personal and doesn’t always happen immediately, but it can occur. For me, I have to decide that I’m going to forgive and then just do the work until I actually feel it. One of my favorite exercises is to tell the person what they did to hurt me and then tell them that I forgive them and release them. Sometimes that isn’t possible, but it is possible to journal it or use another trusted person as a stand in. Whatever works for you to get that forgiveness process started.

If you find yourself feeling some anger, frustration and resentment about past money issues, then test these for yourself. I believe that if you do, you will find an improved mindset about money and yourself with money. I’d love to hear from you, so comment below and tell me what you think.

Sherry Parks is a Money Mindset Coach who helps women escape feeling stuck and trapped by their finances, so that they find more joy and wealth for their lives. Check out her 5 Steps to a Better Money Story workbook here. Here’s what people are saying about the workbook. “I am amazed how much insight I got after completing the workbook, I [became] aware of so much!” — Nicole E. “Your workbook is great; I already feel calmer and more in control of my relationship with money!” — Nancy R.