Four Tools to Feel 100% Loved this Valentine’s Day

This is an article about love. Not the romantic kind of love. This article is about the love that lives inside each of us. The love we do (or don’t) have for ourselves. Yes, I’m talking about self-love. And when you read that, you may think, nah this article isn’t for me. And I ask you to stick with me for a moment. What I have to share just may apply to you, even when love is all around you, coming from lots of different directions.

I’ve never had a romantic relationship where I felt 100% accepted and loved for who I am. This story isn’t about that though. I did have that kind of love from one person (and that is a complete blessing for which I am grateful). My mother loved me with 100% acceptance. She may not have always approved of my life and my decisions, yet I knew that without a doubt, she loved me.

She loved deeply and completely and even when I disappointed her, she was there loving me. Even when I said something hurtful, she was there loving me.

And I’ll be honest, when she passed away, this is the thing I missed the most. Yes, I missed her laugh and her wise words. I missed our conversations and our trips to the beach, and more. And still, the one thing I grieved for and felt the loss of the most was her love. That unconditional, all encompassing, never wavering love.

And missing that, left me feeling lost and alone and so, so vulnerable to the vagaries of life. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to. With no romantic partner in sight, there seemed no hope of filling that void. I turned to my siblings and friends — I know they love me. And it’s also not the same.

After several months of grieving, I decided that there was only one thing to do. I had to give myself the love I needed. I had to fill those holes inside with love for myself. After all, I 100% believe that we each have inside us all that we need for life. And that means that I have enough love inside of me to love myself the way I need.

And with that, I set out on a quest to start filling up that hole inside. I wanted to fill it with so much love that it would spill out and overflow all around me. Here are a few of the things that I did.

1 — I wrote a love note to myself every single day. I wrote things that my mom used to say to me “Sherry, I love you more than all the trees in West Virginia”. Or, “Sherry, I love you to the moon and back again”.

Sometimes, I just wrote silly things like. “Sherry, I love that you love cats so much”. Or, “Sherry, I love your soft belly.” It didn’t matter what I wrote as long as it was a message of love.

I’ll be honest, it took a while — there finally came a point when I started feeling loved. I started looking forward to those love notes, just like I had looked forward to the text’s from my mom.

2 — I looked at myself in the mirror, made eye contact and said I love you — out loud. This one can feel super uncomfortable. And it is required. The eye contact gives an added layer of depth to the love message. It helps connect you to yourself so that you can receive the message on a different level.

Writing love notes is one thing. When you speak them and see love at the same time, well that is a whole new ballgame.

This one may be difficult. Especially if you don’t have much self-love to begin with. And it is totally possible. If you do it, I promise, it will get easier.

3 — I gave myself hugs and touch. One of the most important components to love is physical touch. I’m not talking sexual touch, rather, touch that gives love, kindness, gentleness.

Studies show that touch can release oxytocin, the feel-good hormone. This is one of the reasons why touch is such an important part of the human experience.

While a hug from someone you love really can’t be replaced by hugging yourself, you can still receive benefit from your own loving touch. One of the ways I show myself love through touching is to place my hands over my heart, close my eyes and whisper “Sherry, you are loved and you are supported”.

Another practice I have is to place my hands on my chest and imagine that I’m sending love and light straight into my torso. I envision it. I feel the warmth of my hands and see that as loving energy.

4 — I opened myself to the Universal love. This one may sound even cornier than the others. I believe that human beings are all connected. I’m able to sending loving energy to someone else in the room with me, or I can send it all around the world.

I know there are people in this world, who send loving out to the universe every day. And I can tap into that. I can receive that.

For me, that practice looks like light beaming down on the crown of my head. I do a grounding practice where I sit comfortably in a chair, feet on the ground, feeling the chair support me. Then, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Lastly, I imagine a beautiful, white, light of love shining down on my head and getting absorbed slowly. It flows from the crown of my head all the way down to the ground. Flowing right through my brain, my chest, my heart space, my abdomen. Through my arms and legs too. It touches all of me with love and acceptance.

You might be a human who feels loved and never feels a lack of it. Or, you might be like me and don’t quite get enough love from external sources. No matter who you are, I think you’ll find that one or all of these practices will serve you. Give yourself the gift of love this February.

Sherry Parks, CPA, is a Life & Money Mindset Coach who helps women escape feeling trapped by their finances. She is passionate about helping women change mindset, emotions, and actions regarding money, so that they learn to keep what they have and generate more.

Check out her 5 Steps to a Better Money Story workbook or join her women-only Facebook group More Than Enough Money Sisterhood.